i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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