i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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