I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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