I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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