new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
