god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize