I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i just google imaged poop.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize