I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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