You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
