if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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