She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
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