i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
