i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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