I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
