So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
