You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
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