:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I met the friendliest cop last night
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
