im drinking this country out of the recession.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
