before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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