What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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