And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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