On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
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This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
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I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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