we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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