Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
