remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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