I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
