When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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