His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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