I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
