Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
