oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
