just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
