So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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