I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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