alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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