I look better un-naked...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
