you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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