OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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