Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Tornado booty call.. dedication
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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