Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
