You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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