I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
