I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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