He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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