The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
