I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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