it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Pooping to opera.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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