I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
