so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
