Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
