garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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