i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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