i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
