trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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