You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
