It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
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Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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