he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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