You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
