Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
