I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
