you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
