I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
