I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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