Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
