Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
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JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
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He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Dick very happy bro
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
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