She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Come on in and take your pants off
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