I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
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he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
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P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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