Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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