You smell like stripper and shame
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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