also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
