I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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