I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
