Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just pee around me
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
