I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
