Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
