Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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