You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
