It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
This house was built for laser tag.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
