cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
