I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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